So it’s been three months. Things have been crazy busy on this end with wall to wall gigs and students so there’s not much time to update. In this interim I have been ping ponging back and forth between Careen and my longtime girlfriend, Mina. I think that Mina and I may be back together now but it’s complicated and I’ll need to flesh out the details in a future post.
In the meantime Careen and I got back together about a month ago. The thaw started on Facebook and spilled over into an actual date in late January. We had a great night and I ended up going back to her apartment and staying the night.
Careen and I just didn’t work as a couple. She’s an incredibly nice, warm, socially conscious, caring person. And she’s beautiful. She has the kind of looks that I’m usually attracted to. She’s a petite Filipina with a lovely, easy smile, small breasts with pert nipples that respond instantly to the touch, and a great ass.
We got along well personally and our banter was always easy and fun. She loved sex, and as recounted in an earlier post, was almost always the one to initiate. The trouble was that sexually we weren’t compatible. Don’t get me wrong, I was very attracted to her but for some reason the actual act never felt as good as with Mina, my previous girlfriend.
Careen was into pain. She wanted rough sex and she wanted me to spank her and slap her face. I’ve never been into pain, either giving or receiving, but I can get into a little spanking once in a while. The face-slapping, however, was too weird for me and frankly felt a little like a line could too easily be crossed. She said we needed a safe word but that never seemed like a viable option to me. Plus, how do you find a safe word that doesn’t make you laugh?
Careen was always calling me ‘Daddy; and ‘Papa’ during sex and this too made me a little queezy, as if she was living out an incest fantasy. I’m not a prude and I’m all for fantasies but the incest fantasy had the effect of removing arousal rather than causing it. And its a sick act — I can’t go there in any way.
So the break up: On what would be our last morning together she woke me up at 6AM to have sex. I was half asleep and tired from the previous night’s marathon sex romp (I am middle-aged man, after all) but there I was, happily thrusting away in the missionary position when she said, “Say my name…”
What is she, Heisenberg? I’m trying to wake up and perform to my usual standard of excellence and now I have to vocalize as well?! OK, it’s not that hard to do. Why not?
A few seconds later she pushed me off of her asking, “What did you say?”
“What do you mean, ‘what did I say?’ Careen.”
“No you didn’t, you said another name! Is that your old girlfriend’s name?!”
Folks, I did not say another name. I was tired and I wasn’t speaking in my full voice so it came out in a whisper. No matter how much I protested she refused to believe me, saying that she suspected I had feelings for my old girlfriend.
Here’s where things start to get Freudian. I’m 99% sure I said Careen’s name, but she happens to be right. I do have feelings for Mina and I think I will always have feelings for her. So whereas I thought Careen wrongly accused me, her larger point was something I couldn’t refute.
We met three nights later at a local bar and amicably agreed that it was best to go our separate ways. As far as I could tell there is little animosity between us. Still..what a nutty way to break up!