It feels strange being single after a long relationship. I’m luckier than most, I suppose because I’m working pretty much seven nights a week and teaching most days. (I’m a musician) There isn’t a lot of alone time at my apartment to sit and mope – I have to work in my moping time between gigs.
Starting this new blog feels right since it is another kind of beginning. Posts aren’t flowing as easily as with The Middle Aging (the old blog) but I’m OK with that. I don’t want to force things. The posts will happen when they happen. The old blog lasted a good 5-6 years. One of the things I miss about it is when someone would view a post from several years back. Often times I would go back and reread it and it would be a good insight into the past. Hopefully one day I’ll be looking back this blog’s past posts as well.
I broke up with Mina twice, or rather she broke up with me twice. I don’t break up easily – my wife had to kick me out the door. Even though deep down I knew our marriage was dead I was stuck in a kind of relationship inertia and I couldn’t or wouldn’t make the first move. Our breaking up felt right and now my ex-wife and I are good friends and we see each other all the time. (we have three children, two of whom are grown)
I don’t think Mina and I will ever be just friends — there is too much sexual energy between us, as well as emotionally deep feelings. I try to envision a scenario in which we someday get back together, but I don’t think she will be able to forgive my sleeping with Careen. At least for a long time. She’s beautiful and smart and there is no reason she can’t meet a more stable guy than me. That is if she wants to.
I have not seen Careen since the encounter that broke Mina and I up. It’s true I’ve been super-busy but I just can’t bring myself to pursue her as a girlfriend or even a fuck-buddy. She’s very pretty and sexy so that’s not the issue. It’s just that we don’t have the chemistry and I’m the feeling the need to simplify even if it means being lonely for a little while.
The thing is, it’s not clear that Careen is all that interested in me. After all, she hasn’t texted either. It’s possible she thinks of me as a diversion and is quite happy to let things be or see me on occasion. Or…she really is into me and now she’s mad at me for not texting. I hope it’s situation A!