As if Tinder hasn’t vexed me enough now this happened…

Yesterday, as I swiped right on a 40-something woman in San Francisco, I matched.  After the proper interval (for me, 5 minutes) I said hello with my finely-honed Tinder opening line:

Hello!  How are you today?

A few hours later I received this response:

Hi Woody, It appears we’re a match made in Tinder (her opening line game is strong) – looking forward to hearing back from you.

After a few more innocuous texts she gave me her email address asking me to write her.  I was a little suspicious – in this day and age nobody prefers email over text.  Why not just speak on the phone?

Nevertheless I persevered and sent a brief email.  A few hours later I received this response:

Thanks for telling me about yourself but first of all I want to Apologize for the mistake in my profile. When filling in my profile the system kept changing my location to your country from South Africa. 
I am truly sorry if confuses you but I believe that distance is not a barrier in any relationship and the most important thing is understanding between two people involved.You can visit me here or I will visit you over there but if I will come there, it is going to be during this my annual leave because that is the only time that I will have the chance to travel.
My name is Hannah I am living Cape Town .I am the only child of my family.I am a nurse and I have one daughter that is staying alone recently, her name is MaryAnn and she is 21 years old. She is working with MTN South Africa as a Sales Rep.
– I am romantic. Maybe a bit too much.
– I hate violence, especially towards a weaker person
– I respect my fellow beings and their opinions
– I hate dishonesty
– I almost always smile ( even in the morning ). It takes a lot to get me in
a bad mood
– I am considered to be quite funny and entertaining.
– I never forget the wrong people do to me and my friends
– I am very emotional, so when startled, outbreaks of anger of short duration may happen and shouldn’t be taken overly serious.
– Because I am spontaneous I sometimes do not think of the consequences of my actions
That is what I can think of in a short time.
I hope that gives a better impression about the person who I am.
I want to know more about you.
Bye for now until I hear from you.

What is this, a mail-order bride?!  I’ve just ended a long-distance relationship of 50 miles and I’m going to start one of 4,050 miles?  What in the actual fuck is going on here?  Scam or crazy person?  Or both.

OK, Tinder, you win this round.  But I’ll be back!

2 thoughts on “[shakes fist and looks skyward] TINDERRRRRRRR!!!!

  1. My partner gets spam on Tinder all the time; women who match with him then send him the exact same opening message inviting him to view their webcam or go to some site because they can’t wait to fuck a stranger. In the last two days, I got random spam messages from people on Kik. I’m beginning to think nothing’s sacred.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s